


The Touch-Starved Man With A Plan

by Minuialeth75



Series: Creatures of Comfort [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, Touch-Starved, bed sharing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 09:03:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15882885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minuialeth75/pseuds/Minuialeth75
Summary: Steve will be damned if he lets Bucky suffer like this without doing anything.





	The Touch-Starved Man With A Plan

**Author's Note:**

> AU after The Winter Soldier. Civil War doesn’t happen. For reasons.  
> This was written for @barnesrogersvstheworld ’s 1K celebration on Tumblr with the word prompt “goosebumps”.

Steve is first appalled that he didn’t realize sooner. And then he’s ashamed, because it’s not the first time he’s missed clues where Bucky is concerned. Like the fact that he was experimented on before he rescued him in Azzano, and that he suffered from PTSD afterwards.  
Bucky had always, always noticed everything about him: if his smile was fake, if he was still hungry, if he was going to come down with something, if he was down to his very last pencil, if… Even now, relying on incomplete memories, Bucky still noticed everything about him. But Steve? Steve had let Bucky down. So many times. This was one of them.

Bucky was cold. Probably had been for weeks. Likely a skin-deep cold. And no one had noticed. _He_ hadn’t noticed. Sure, he had noted a lot of things as he rediscovered his old friend, but he hadn’t understood what they meant.  
He didn’t share loggings with Bucky at the compound, so he wasn’t with him 24/7. And it… He was trying to give Bucky space. To let Bucky do his own thing, to relearn to be himself again. To learn who he was. But it felt… Sometimes it felt like he didn’t fit quite right in his own skin. But Bucky hadn’t said anything, so…

The others were slowly accepting him. And Bucky, knowing he wasn’t like a time bomb anymore, let himself be around them. In small doses, though. Steve knew he often prowled the compound at night because he knew he wouldn’t meet anyone. 

Of course he had noticed that Bucky was always wearing several layers of clothing, even indoors, but it had been the end of winter. Then he had thought that maybe Bucky felt a bit self-conscious about his left arm when he continued wearing long sleeves throughout the warm spring.  
But it wasn’t only long sleeves. It was at least two henleys, one, maybe two tee-shirts underneath. And he now suspected thermals. Bucky kept the long sleeves even when they trained or went running. And he didn’t look sweaty in the least.

Also, the gust of too-warm air coming from Bucky’s own room – well, it was more like a flat given the size – when he sometimes came to get Bucky for their training or running. And… yeah, they were together a lot in the common spaces but in their own? Never. Steve didn’t even know what Bucky’s room looked like. But again, _space_. He was letting Bucky breathe.

Maybe if he had had the same problem after being found under the ice... But he hadn’t. He ran a little bit hotter than average thanks to the serum. So he had assumed it was the same for Bucky. But Bucky had received a bastardized version of the serum. And it wasn’t like Hydra had cared for his well-being. They only had to keep him functional enough. Like a mindless machine. They got him out of cryo, gave him his mission, put him back in cryo. But Bucky hadn’t been in cryo for months. So now he was dealing with the after effects. At least that was Steve’s theory.  
He didn’t intend to talk about this to anybody else, even Sam, even if he suspected he had noticed something was off with Bucky. Because Sam was good at noticing things like this.

How had he fully realized?  
This morning, during training. Peter had lobbed an open bottle of water at him as a prank – and seriously, where was respect for the elders? – but Bucky had ended up as collateral damage. Bucky hadn’t overtly reacted, not even negatively – which had been odd to begin with – and had quickly gone to the restrooms of their training space. Steve had followed on a hunch after reassuring Peter who had blanched, and had started profusely apologizing, mostly to Bucky’s retreating back.  
Steve had found Bucky peeling off his drenched long sleeved shirt and despite the warm temperature in the restroom, Bucky’s whole upper body had immediately broken in goosebumps, as if he was standing naked in the middle of a blizzard. Then Bucky had started shivering violently and Steve could have sworn his teeth were shattering. That wasn’t normal.  
Steve had immediately gone to retrieve the thick hoodie Tony had forgotten in the gym some time ago, and had wordlessly given it to Bucky, who hadn’t even looked him in the eye, still shivering.  
Steve had returned to his training and had pointedly not looked at Bucky leaving the gym, because he had had the feeling that his friend really didn’t want to attract attention to himself at that moment.

 

Steve hasn’t seen Bucky since, and the sun’s going down.

He has assured Peter that all was fine before the young man went back to Queens for the week.  
He quite likes him, and he knows that Bucky does too. Bucky once said Peter reminded him of a punk who didn’t know to stay away from a fight because he hated bullies. 

Steve is on one of the compound’s rooftops, watching the landscape going dark. Devising a plan. After all, he’s good at strategy and it’s a very important thing he’s trying to plan for: the well-being of his childhood friend. Because it’s clear by now that trying to keep warm with the usual means isn’t working for Bucky, and Steve can’t leave him going on like this, chilled to the bone.  
Steve has a lot of fond memories of Bucky taking care of him when he was sick or really cold: carefully wrapping him in all the blankets they had (and that wasn’t a lot), lending him his thickest sweaters because Bucky was the one working outdoors and so had the warmest clothes, feeding him warm soup he had made… But when Steve got really sick and none of this seemed to work, when it felt like he would never be warm again, or never healthy again (as healthy as he could be at the time anyway), Bucky would use his ultimate weapon against the cold and the ache: human warmth, human touch. Bucky would share Steve’s bed, wrapping himself around him during the night. He would gently card his fingers through Steve’s hair, stroke his hands, his forehead, his shoulders…  
Thing is, no one has dared touching Bucky since he came living to the compound. Not that they’re afraid he’s going to react badly, after all they all have their own traumas, so they know not to overstep. But maybe that’s the problem.  
Steve is starting to think that in wanting to leave Bucky be so he could catch his breath, they have waited too long and left him without some necessary human contact.  
And Steve feels all the guilt is on him. He’s the one who knows Bucky the best, after all.  
It’s time to get Operation Let’s Make Bucky Feel Better underway. He’s just going to be the only one involved because… Because.

____________________

Steve decides to put his plan in action the morning after.

He and Bucky are supposed to go running with Sam. They try to run with him as most as possible, even if it’s not easy to run at a more sedate pace than they would to accommodate Sam. Well, more like to avoid his epic rants against “supersoldiers with no sense of shame or respect for other veterans”. Steve’s lips twitches as he waits for his two friends to arrive.

The first time Bucky had joined them – and hadn’t Steve been glad about that – he had made an offhand comment about having to alter his running speed, and Sam had said “You won’t run more slowly, you’ll run at a normal human being speed, man! Normal!”  
There was a lot of banter between the two that sometimes people mistook for genuine antagonism, but it was their way of bonding.  
Sam had accepted Bucky right away and he was the person Bucky spent the most time with after Steve. 

Sam and Bucky arrive together, and Steve can see them talking. It warms his heart because he was worried at first that Bucky was going to end up only interacting with him when he arrived at the compound. And for a while he was, but since Steve also spent a lot of time with Sam, Bucky warmed up to him. Sam was always very careful to not use any of the language or attitudes he used at the VA and Steve suspected it was because he didn’t want Bucky to think he was psycho-analyzing him, that he saw him as a case, not as friend. Though Steve was highly aware that, even if Sam didn’t realize it, he sometimes observed Bucky with a trained eye. He suspected Sam did the same with him but it didn’t trouble him in the least. Sam was never judging or overbearing.

Bucky’s look is searching as he says good morning but it’s gone as soon as Steve notices it. It takes him a moment to understand that Bucky thought he was going to talk about what had happened the day before with the water bottle.  
It was never Steve’s intention to talk about it, especially in front of Sam. Steve wanted to be sneaky about his plan, because he felt it was the only way it’d work. Like when he used to add bits of his own food in Bucky’s plate when he wasn’t looking, because Bucky was an idiot who thought Steve was the one who needed to eat more, whereas Bucky was the one with the hard manual jobs.

So Steve greets both Sam and Bucky, claps Sam on the back like he always does and then… gently puts his hand on Bucky’s shoulder – the right one, because he’s almost sure the left one is a no-zone for Bucky right now – lingering there for as long as he can without it being too obvious, especially knowing he’s been careful about _not_ touching Bucky so far.  
He can feel Bucky tensing up and his heart breaks a little because Bucky used to be so tactile when they were younger. Then the muscles under his hand relax right before he removes his hand.

“So, the usual route?” Sam asks, pointing to the start of the path that goes through the woods.  
Steve is grateful for the distraction.  
“Yeah, it’s a bit cold this morning for the lake one,” Bucky answers as if nothing out of the ordinary has just happened. As usual, he’s wearing too many layers for someone who’s going to run.  
It’s only when Steve catches Sam’s look and his friend gives an imperceptible nod that he realizes he’s been caught, and that Sam’s diversion was intentional. Sam’s good, really good at observing.

____________________

Steve gently grasping Bucky’s shoulder before they run with Sam becomes customary over the next days. Bucky doesn’t tense up again. Steve knows a moment of trepidation the first time Sam isn’t with them on their run, but Bucky doesn’t say anything about Steve’s still relatively new way of greeting him.  
Then there’s a day when it’s only Sam and himself because Tony has managed to snatch Bucky for his – supposedly monthly but it’s more whenever he agrees to it – check-up on his prosthetic arm.  
There’s a weird sensation in the pit of Steve’s stomach when he sees only Sam coming towards him. It’s a bit stupid because he knew Bucky wasn’t going to be there. He thinks the feeling is something like disappointment. Which is ridiculous because he’ll see Bucky later in the day. He’s a bit surprised when he realizes it’s because he won’t get to pat Bucky’s shoulder today and feel him relax beneath his hand, because he only does it in the mornings.  
As he and Sam start on their run, he’s already devising other ways to touch Bucky during other times of the day. He doesn’t let his stride falter when the thought comes to his mind that maybe Bucky’s not the only one who needs more human touch. Though it’s strange because everyone at the compound has always touched him. Well, everyone except Buc… Oh.

“Didn’t see that root?” Sam tells him as he stumbles a bit. He doesn’t correct his friend.

____________________

Steve feels strangely out of sorts until lunch when Bucky finally makes an appearance. He makes a beeline for his friend. “How did it go?”

Tony’s lab had never really looked like a lab in the first place, but he tried to make it look more welcoming when he knew Bucky was coming.  
It helped that he had discovered that Bucky was a bit of a geek during the first check-up he had made on his arm, looking everywhere wide eyed, not in fear as Tony had first thought, but in fascination. So now Tony left knick-knacks he was currently working on laying around on purpose, talking about them to Bucky, letting Bucky take them in his right hand, projecting the specs for him, working on his arm all the while.  
Tony liked to tell everyone he didn’t want to accidentally trigger Bucky and end up dead but Steve knew that in fact he didn’t want Bucky to ever feel like he was only a mindless machine, ever again.  
It hadn’t been all roses in the beginning because the fact that the Winter Soldier had killed Tony’s parents was inescapable. But Tony had also seen videos of what had been done to Bucky right after the global info dump from Hydra and Shield. He had discovered only afterwards that his parents had been murdered and by whom. It hadn’t been pretty. Steve, who had found where Bucky was in the meantime, had kept him hidden away at first, thinking about going under the radar to help him.  
But Tony had permanently engraved memories of those caves in Afghanistan and what had been done to him. What had been done to James Barnes was a hundred times worse. He had to make peace with the fact that he could never avenge his parents like he would have liked: an eye for an eye. Not when the real culprit was Hydra. So he did the next best thing: he had gotten very, very good at blasting away all remaining Hydra bases, with the help of Steve. Bucky… Bucky couldn’t let be anywhere near that yet, even if King T’Challa’s sister had managed to deactivate the trigger words implanted in his mind. He still had some healing to do. Tony knew all about that.

Bucky grimaces slightly. “Tony’s got in his head again that I should try the prosthetic arm Princess Shuri is engineering. I’m not sure…”  
“Hey, you’re not obliged to accept that new arm if you don’t want it,” Steve says softly.  
Bucky had been a bit out of it when he had accompanied him to Wakanda in the hopes that the trigger words put in his mind by Hydra could be neutralized. Now his friend was loathe to leave the compound and go back there.  
“Thing is, I think I want it. Stark showed me the blueprints and it seems amazing.” Steve refrains a smile at Bucky’s enthusiastic tone. It’s always wonderful to have an occasional glimpse of Bucky from when they still shared that dingy flat in Brooklyn. “And he said Shuri was willing to come here if I didn’t want to go back to Wakanda.”  
“Tony might have an ulterior motive for making her travel here. He’ll never let her leave!”  
Bucky smiles then sobers. “I didn’t ask for a new arm. I mean, this one’s still working fine but… It’s Hydra’s. I’ve killed people with it.” He gestures to his left arm as if it’s not really part of him.  
“Buck… You wouldn’t have been able to save me without that arm.”  
Bucky recoils slightly. “I also tried to kill you.”  
“Not you, Buck. Hydra. _You_ saved me.” _In more ways than one_ , he could have added.  
Bucky is facing him so he puts a comforting hand on his left shoulder, feeling the edge of the prosthetic under his fingers. It’s a lot different from the quick pat Bucky has been tolerating so far but Steve finds that he wants – no, needs – to reach out to Bucky too much to not touch him. Bucky blinks, then his flesh hand goes to loosely circle Steve’s forearm, like he can’t quite believe it’s there.  
Steve tries not to reel as the contact seems to unlock a part of him that has been tightly coiled since… probably since he’s been pulled from the ice. He briefly wonders if it’s how Bucky feels each time he touches him.

“Captain, Mister Barnes!”  
Both Steve and Bucky jump at Peter’s greeting. He’s probably just arrived for the weekend.

____________________

Another week goes by. Steve continues his mission, spreading his touches throughout the whole day.  
He tries to keep it subtle, though he wonders if it’s necessary after what happened in the kitchen the week before.  
Bucky still wears too many layers but he looks… different, somehow. It takes a while for Steve to realize that the way Bucky holds himself has changed. He’s more… relaxed? His moves are a bit less contained and controlled, less deliberate.  
Steve has to admit to himself that Bucky hasn’t felt too good in all his months at the compound and again, he feels guilty. He knows Bucky the best, he should have seen it. Thing is… Bucky is no longer Bucky, isn’t he? Not the Bucky he knew. But still Bucky, in different ways.

So it’s quick brushes each time Bucky’s anywhere near him, on his shoulders, his back, his arms. It’s standing closer than necessary, being in Bucky’s space, to show him that he’s _there_ , that someone’s _there_.

 

The weather was so bad all night that Sam sent him and Bucky texts warning them that there was “no fucking way, guys” that they were running outdoors this morning.  
So Steve is busying himself in the gym while waiting for his friends.  
There are two treadmills specifically made for him and Bucky, and Steve has just moved a third standard one alongside them for Sam. He hears the doors and sure enough, Sam and Bucky are coming in.

Sam is first and he throws him a _look_ and a knowing smile and Steve is puzzled for a brief moment before seeing Bucky right behind him. He’s wearing his usual sweatpants. And a long sleeved tee-shirt. Only _one_ layer. Steve blinks and tries to prevent what he’s feeling to show on his face. Of course it’s still too warm in the gym to wear long sleeves, especially to exercise, but… only one layer. It’s the first time Steve has proof that his idea is working and he hasn’t felt that kind of pure joy in a long time.

____________________

Tony’s latest Christmas gift to everyone was to have a movie theater installed in the compound. The room isn’t as big as a real movie theater would be, because it’s not like they need lots of space, but the huge screen and the projection system are, of course, state of the art. And instead of individual seats, there are various couches and comfy chairs in a semi-circle facing the screen.

Steve had casually mentioned to Bucky that he’d seen that there was “Mr Smith Goes To Washington” among the oldies, on the day they had to use the treadmills in the gym. It was one of the rare movies they had been able to afford to see back in the days and he remembered Bucky had loved it.  
Bucky’s look had been blank. “I remember us going to the movies, but I don’t think I remember that one,” he’d said. “I’d like to watch it again.”  
Steve had proposed Saturday. Which was today. Which was now.  
He was seating in one of the couches waiting for Bucky.

Steve hears the doors but instead of Bucky, it’s Peter who shows up, closely followed by Clint, who’s carrying a huge bowl of popcorn.  
“Is it true, Captain? You saw the movie when it was first out?”  
Clint smirks. Steve has lost count of the times he’s asked Peter to please, please call him Steve.  
“Yes, I did,” Steve answers, trying – very hard – to pretend that the feeling of disappointment in his chest doesn’t exist. He had thought he’d be alone with Bucky but of course, Sam had been with them when he had talked about the movie with Bucky.  
They very often used the compound’s movie theater all together. He tries to not analyze the reasons why he’s bothered.  
Sure enough, the doors open again and Sam and then Bucky arrive.  
Steve promptly forgets his negative feelings when he sees what Bucky is wearing. A tee-shirt. A blue tee-shirt, the short sleeves not hiding his left arm in the least, though maybe Bucky isn’t as comfortable with that fact as he seems to be because he’s – consciously or not – angling his arm so it’s slightly hidden by his body. But he doesn’t look cold in the least. Everyone else is wearing tee-shirts too, because the weather has felt like Summer since the day before.  
Steve is so happy he almost says something to Bucky – who has immediately gravitated to him, snatching a handful of popcorn on the way, earning a light hearted scolding from Clint. But Steve decides against it, because he feels that it’d be showing his cards.  
Bucky throws a shit-eating grin at Clint before flopping down on the couch next to Steve. Against Steve. _Right_ against him. All heat and soft cotton and laundry scent and solid and _Bucky_.  
Steve is so shocked he can feel himself freezing in place so he forces every last of his muscles to relax because if there’s one thing he doesn’t want, it’s Bucky misinterpreting his reaction as negative. They’re touching form shoulder to knee and Steve doesn’t think he’s felt that much of Bucky in 70 years. His whole being is screaming “safe”, as a pavlovian reflex coming from years of knowing he was protected and happy when in Bucky’s close presence, when Bucky could still be the big spoon during bitterly cold winter nights, or when Steve was so sick it was like he’d never be warm again, or when he had gotten into a fight and was bleeding too much, when the insults and jabs hurt too much, when… Where there still was a sliver of cold emptiness inside him, now there’s light and warmth.

Steve looks up and finds Sam looking at him and Bucky with a knowing grin. Steve has the sudden thought that maybe he hadn’t been the only one with a plan.

____________________

Bucky knew the mission had gone to shit the moment he saw them coming back, in the middle of the night. He might have been waiting for them.  
They weren’t injured but they looked like hell. Shaken. Not for the first time, Bucky told himself he was going to ask Tony to be part of some missions. Sure they would keep him off the Hydra ones. Couldn’t blame them for that. But he’d been feeling better these last weeks. Much better. Bit more… himself. Whoever that was these days.  
That mission had been Hydra, Bucky knew that much. He wondered what they’d seen. Steve looked… haunted, so he guessed it had been about the Soldier.

Despite the hour, Steve had lingered while the others had gone hitting the sack. Or pretended to. Pretty sure Stark wasn’t going to sleep but going directly to his lab.  
Steve had gone to the communal kitchen, still in his suit, to make himself warm milk. Because Steve was a grandpa. Bucky had told him as much. At least Steve had smiled a bit.  
Bucky had stayed until Steve had gone to bed, hovering as close as he had dared, some sort of fucking weird instinct screaming at him to _touch_ but he didn’t know if Steve would have been okay with that at the moment.

 

It was an unspoken agreement that there wouldn’t be any running this morning.

Bucky hasn’t really slept, more like laid in bed, trying not to think too hard about anything, listening to music when he understood he wasn’t going to sleep at all. Wearing earphones, because he’s not a savage.  
He gets up at his usual time, because what’s the point. Showers, goes down to have breakfast. Sam and Clint aren’t there, so Bucky hopes they’re still asleep. Stark’s probably willing the ghosts away in his lab.  
Steve’s not here either and that… something uncomfortable settles under Bucky’s skin. He eats, wondering the whole time if he should make pancakes because Steve could arrive at any moment. But in the end Steve doesn’t so Bucky doesn’t either.  
Then Bucky just… walks around the compound, goes back to his room, sits on his bed, stares into space, gets up again. The need to check on Steve becomes overwhelming and can’t be switched off, no matter how he tries to reason it away. Of course JARVIS would warn them if something was off but JARVIS doesn’t know Steve. Not like he does.

He has no problem entering Steve’s room because apparently Steve has entered his fingerprints in the compound’s security system on the same security level as his own, meaning Bucky has access to his room at all times. JARVIS confirms that he’s the only one to have that kind of access. Bucky compartmentalizes this information to analyze how he feels about it later.

 

He goes to Steve’s bedroom and it’s immediately obvious by the big duvet-covered lump on the bed that he’s still sleeping. Which means he probably managed to fall asleep not long ago.  
Bucky hovers at the doorway, feeling like a damn creep, not knowing what to do. He knows he should leave and pretend this didn’t happen when he sees Steve later. He knows that. But there’s that ingrained instinct to protect Steve that is so unshakable it’s not a surprise Hydra’s bastards never managed to completely erase the punk from his mind.

The decision is taken from his hands when a distressed noise comes from under the duvet. Bucky can’t let Steve have a nightmare.  
He goes to the bed and reaches out, gently shaking Steve. He’s not worried of him striking out, he can take it anyway.

Steve whines a bit, not completely awake. The duvet moves, revealing his sleep-rumpled face. The warm scent of sleepy Steve hits Bucky and suddenly it’s like he slips into another time and place.  
“Hey Stevie, wake up sleepyhead.” The whisper escapes his lips, unbidden, unexpected, in a voice that isn’t quite his own. He’d be scared shitless if he wasn’t a hundred percent sure Shuri eliminated Hydra’s junk from his head.  
“Yeah, yeah, ’m getting up, Buck,” Steve mutters. “We drank all the milk?”  
Bucky immediately understands that Steve, in his half-awake state, has travelled to the same place he was moments ago. He swallows the tears that want to come because Christ, it’s so _unfair_ what they’ve lost. He concentrates on the now instead. He and Steve are both here, alive, in the same place, at the same time.

“Think you were having a nightmare,” he says, louder than he intends to.  
Steve blinks, and Bucky can see the moment he realizes where – and when – he is. He takes in Bucky crouching by the bed, in the sliver of light coming from a gap in the closed curtains.  
“Oh. Thanks for waking me up.” Steve goes to get up but Bucky is in his way.  
Bucky doesn’t move because Steve looks like shit and probably hasn’t slept that much. He doesn’t care what time it is, damn punk isn’t getting up.  
“Don’t you want to try to get back to sleep?” he suggests, and Steve’s mouth opens mutely and he has that look that Bucky has identified as Steve having a _moment_ when he does or says something the old Bucky used to.  
He used to hate that look because he thought Steve was missing the old Bucky – the Bucky that isn’t him – but he came to understand that Steve was just happy when he could remember stuff from that time. Because Steve has no else to remember those times with. No one else. Bucky has no one else either.

“Yeah. Maybe, yeah. But I don’t think… Not sure I’m going to fall asleep again. Took me a while,” Steve finally answers, getting back under the covers.  
Bucky suddenly has a very clear flash memory of them snuggling under the covers, especially when Steve was too sick to sleep. He stands up, not sure how to voice his suggestion. How it’ll be received.  
“You’re leaving?” Steve immediately says.  
Bucky feels himself freezing in place, looking into Steve’s – disappointed? Are they disappointed? – eyes. He’s aware time’s stretching for too long but he just can’t… fucking damn it. Aw, fuck it.  
“Er, I was thinking… Maybe it’d help if I stayed?” He vaguely gestures in the direction of the bed and feels his face getting hot. Good thing the curtains are closed.  
Steve smiles. He smiles like a loon. And he scoots to the other side of the bed, peeling the covers back.

Bucky knows he should take off his shoes and probably his hoodie but he’s rooted on the spot. At first he wonders why and then he realizes that he’s afraid. He’s afraid that snuggling in bed with Steve isn’t going to live up to his memories. That it’s going to feel weird – or worse, wrong – instead of comforting like he remembers it used to.

“Hey, if you don’t want… I mean…”  
Steve’s no longer smiling and looks unsure and that’s not good. Steve’s been doing everything he could to make him feel welcome, feel better, get a life back. He’ll be damned if he can’t give some of that back to him.  
Bucky takes his sweater off and Steve’s smile is back. He’ll have to tell Steve he’s onto his little touching scheme. Can’t let him think he’s gone dumb. He folds the sweater and puts it on the chair by the window.  
His shoes are next. He carefully places them next to the bedside table. When he looks up, Steve’s smile has turned fond. He feels his face trying to mirror the expression.

He slips into bed and feels Steve covering them both with the duvet. Warmth immediately envelopes him. Warmth and Steve’s scent. Every tiny muscle in his body seems to relax. He swears even his left arm does too.

“So, big spoon or small spoon?” Steve asks. Anyone not knowing him as he does would think that his tone is light but there’s an underlying uncertainty that Bucky can hear. Sometimes he’s amazed that his memories are still – and maybe will forever be – patchy but that Hydra didn’t manage to delete his knowledge of _Steve_.

Bucky turns his head and, sure enough, Steve’s look is hesitant. The bed is much bigger than the rickety one they had, and the duvet is plenty warm so in truth they don’t really need to be any closer than they already are. It’d be easy to say this isn’t necessary, but Steve wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t need it. And Bucky can’t lie to himself: he needs it too.

“Can’t pass the opportunity to be the small spoon,” he answers.

It wasn’t something they had been able to do during the war. Bucky would remember. He’s sure he would. Cuddling together at night would have looked… weird, though they never questioned it when they were in Brooklyn. But they never talked about it either. It just happened.  
It’d be easy to put a name on what he and Steve had – what they still seem to have, in spite of everything – but that’s not something he wants to do right now.

As if he was hoping that this would be his answer, Steve immediately scoots over, only slowing down at the very last moment, as if suddenly remembering that they haven’t done this in a long while. Well, technically, Steve has always been the small spoon so this is entirely new. New memories. New memories with Steve to collect and cherish. New memories no one will ever take away from him.

“Can you, ah, turn?” Steve says, and Bucky realizes he was so busy staring at him getting closer he forgot to move.  
“Sure thing.”  
Bucky keeps his eyes on the sliver of light coming through the curtains as he feels Steve’s solid warmth slowly enfolding him.  
“This okay?” Steve asks, as he wraps his arm around his waist. Bucky can only nod. He thought he was completely relaxed moments before? Joke’s on him. Now it feels like he’s melting on the mattress. He can’t imagine not doing that again next time he has to go to sleep. He can’t. He feels like he’s really breathing for the first time since… He can’t even tell, that’s how fucking long it’s been.  
He’s the one moving next, intertwining their feet. He jumps.  
“Hey punk, isn’t the serum supposed to make your body run warmer? Damn icicles.”  
He can feel Steve’s silent chuckle against him. “Oops?”  
“’m wearing socks, next time.”  
There’s a beat. Silence as he realizes what he’s just said.  
“’kay. Or I’ll be the one wearing them.”  
“Even better.”

Bucky can feel himself slowly drifting to sleep. He wonders if Steve is going to follow suit when he realizes the chest against his back is already moving slowly and rhythmically. He shifts a bit, burrowing deeper in the pillow he now shares with Steve. Steve’s arm tightens around him. He’s home.


End file.
